Root Cause of Idiot Heather

There's one thing I've noticed in my almost one-year hiatus from the blogging world.

(Has it really been eleven months since I closed my old blog? Holy shit. I guess time does fly when you're having fun. Or flies when life gets fucked up and you develop a sick co-dependent relationship with your printer. Take it from me, better time flies because of fun.)

Back to that thing I've noticed: I'm an idiot. I say this because it is news to me, even if it isn't to anyone else. I've spent all of my grown-up life thinking I'm a fairly intelligent person, but now I see I was operating on false assumptions.

Everywhere I go now on the internet and type something I look like an idiot because of my typos. Everyone makes typos, but I'm making them ALL of the time now. Each time I go I leave out a critical word in a sentence or use the wrong word. (Why the hell doesn't Facebook allow you to edit yoru own posts?!)

Basically I read like I'm drunk around the clock, which is not true. In fact, just the opposite is true. I rarely have even a cocktail anymore, much less three. I just don't "feel" it anymore, so I'm always sober. Always.

Stop the presses, y'all. I think I just discovered the root cause of Idiot Heather. Thank god I figured this out on a Friday. Friday is my favorite day at the liquor store, you know. The trip to the store will have to wait until later today, though. I have exciting plans with my printer. Today we're going to try ENLARGING COPIES of Eastern Woodland Indian maps. *shivers*

I Should Sit Down and Write....

I tell myself every day....

I should sit down and write.

But I don't. And I haven't. I haven't sat down to write in so long that when I wrote the second line in this post, I spelled 'right', then 'wright' before I finally realized, oh yeah, you mean WRITE.

And now I'm wondering....is that how you spell write? It looks wrong. What's wrong with it? (Me doing it, that's what looks wrong.)

I have officially become stupid. In case you weren't convinced before.

I should sit down and write. 

But I don't. Pinterest has become my latest quasi-obsession instead. Recipes I won't cook! Home decorating projects I'll never do! Cute crafts that I'll never make! Fashionable clothes I'll never buy! Homeschooling ambitions I'll never fulfill! All cataloged in one place! Who needs a dusty, unused college degree to remind you of your under-achievements!  NOT ME.

Pinterest - it's like crack and an abusive pimp all rolled into one.

I should sit down and write.

But I don't. I have two children to teach. I have pedagogical books to read so I can pretend I know what I'm doing. I then have other pedagogical books to read that make me realize NO ONE knows what the fuck they are doing. I have curriculum to plan, learning styles to ponder, self doubts to nurse.

I should sit down and write.

But I don't. Wally pops his head in and tells me he is finished peeling the shrimp. Hungry children are cranky. Shrimp beg to be fried. Potatoes to slice and butter. White wine in the fridge.

I should sit down and write.

Maybe later.

10 Things I've Learned About Blogging in 4 Years

1. You have to comment on other posts to get yours noticed.

2. You don't owe anyone comments.

3. Success is about content.

4. Success is not about content, it's about context.

5. Twitter is key to connecting with others.

6. Don't waste a good blog post on 140 characters in Twitter.

7. Blogging conferences are a great way to expand your blog.

8. Blogging conferences are a waste of money since they all repeat the same information.

9. Be authentic and human. Readers dig that shit.

10. But don't be too authentic or too human. Readers hate that shit and will vilify you.

To sum it up, blogging has reached the mainstream masses. We know whenever the masses get their hands in something it becomes all fucked up.