Friday, September 16, 2011

Root Cause of Idiot Heather

There's one thing I've noticed in my almost one-year hiatus from the blogging world.

(Has it really been eleven months since I closed my old blog? Holy shit. I guess time does fly when you're having fun. Or flies when life gets fucked up and you develop a sick co-dependent relationship with your printer. Take it from me, better time flies because of fun.)

Back to that thing I've noticed: I'm an idiot. I say this because it is news to me, even if it isn't to anyone else. I've spent all of my grown-up life thinking I'm a fairly intelligent person, but now I see I was operating on false assumptions.

Everywhere I go now on the internet and type something I look like an idiot because of my typos. Everyone makes typos, but I'm making them ALL of the time now. Each time I go I leave out a critical word in a sentence or use the wrong word. (Why the hell doesn't Facebook allow you to edit yoru own posts?!)

Basically I read like I'm drunk around the clock, which is not true. In fact, just the opposite is true. I rarely have even a cocktail anymore, much less three. I just don't "feel" it anymore, so I'm always sober. Always.

Stop the presses, y'all. I think I just discovered the root cause of Idiot Heather. Thank god I figured this out on a Friday. Friday is my favorite day at the liquor store, you know. The trip to the store will have to wait until later today, though. I have exciting plans with my printer. Today we're going to try ENLARGING COPIES of Eastern Woodland Indian maps. *shivers*


  1. My root cause of idiocy is four kids. I used to be really, really smart. But then they came along and sucked all my intelligence out with their fights over who touched whom and who didn't flush and whose turn it is to clear the table.

  2. I never noticed that you're an idiot. OMG, do you think it's contagious?!

  3. Cocktail hour is the perfect remedy. Everyone is way smarter after you've had drinkie.


  4. This is funny because yesterday at work I was really looking forward to trying this new wine a friend gave me, but then when I got done with work I had to run some errands, help with homework, do some bookkeeping, do the dishes, etc. etc. etc. I never got at the wine. Then I farted in front of my mother. Dead sober, completely on accident. I mean, I would have if I had been drinking, but I wouldn't have felt like such an idiot. And I swear I had a point when I started this... maybe that you're not alone?

  5. Every time that I notice I've used "your" instead of "you're" or "its" incorrectly, a little piece of my soul dies. Glad I'm not alone.